I will not harshly judge other people’s parenting styles!
The other day I was at a family gathering when someone said
something that shocked me. A parent of two of the other children informed their
mom upon first meeting my little girl that she was “not very nice to them
because she stuck her tongue out at them” And was “A brat”. At that point I
must have had a look of shock on my face, because I was floored by what this
parent was saying to me! My daughter is 4 years younger than these little
girls, and had been in our home a grand total of 3 weeks when we took her to
her first family function. Considering all she had to overcome, and that
suddenly after 4 years of being a foster kid she had a real forever family
sticking her tongue out at someone is the least of my worries. I nearly told
her “Yes, introducing an adopted child into the family would be a great time to
teach your children about understanding, grace and love.” But this parent is
the type of parent who can’t really see past her own parenting style. So I bit
my tongue and instead let her know that I’m very proud of little girl and that
she is doing the best she can, and covered my offense.
But it got me thinking, am I the kind of parent who can’t
see past their own parenting style? To consider other children’s individual
needs and what they have to overcome? Do I give little girl’s friends grace? Do
I teach her to have tolerance towards the children she comes in contact with? I
think about the little friends she has, some of them really high energy, some
of them momma’s boys and girls, some of them with sensory disorders, or little
diva complexes and a lot of wonderful special little people! None of the
parents of the children in our social circle are doing a bad job at parenting.
They are all doing the best they can. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t tell each
other what we are doing with our children or what is working for us or more
importantly what didn’t work, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to work for
them. I can bribe my daughter into cleaning her bedroom by playing Funky Town
by Lipps Inc, I realize that will not work for most people….okay I don’t know
if that works for anyone else!
I think the most important thing about parenting is trying! If
a person is really trying then their child will reflect this. I find the harder
I try with little girl, the harder she tries and we me and we both have a
better life. Trying also requires me to set up structure and give her safe boundaries
to operate in so she knows what is expected of it. I just hope that we as
parents can be a little softer with each other, easier on each other. None of
us are perfect parents, and all of us are learning, so when a parent either
hasn’t learned how to work on something you’ve got down, or what you did didn’t
work with their child cut them some slack, smile and be happy that you child
doesn’t do the same thing. Hopefully they will do them same thing when your
child is driving them crazy!
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